A gentle invitation to take off the mask and come home to yourself.
Hey friends,
As I write this, I’m sitting in Laguna Beach, listening to the sound of seagulls overhead and the ocean in the distance. There’s a soft breeze — the kind that wraps around your shoulders and makes your whole body exhale.
It hit me: this is what it feels like to just be.
Not rushing. Not proving. Not performing.
Just living.
And I realized how often we miss these moments.
That’s when the question dropped in:
"Am I living… or just performing?"
It caught me off guard, the kind of whisper you know is more than just a passing thought. It was a truth bomb from my soul. One that stayed with me, stirred something inside me… and ultimately became the heartbeat of this newsletter.
Because it’s so easy to get caught up in performing our lives —
filling every role, hitting every mark — and never actually feeling the life we’re moving through.
I’ve done it. You’ve likely done the same.
I’ve been the one who showed up with the smile, the answers, the to-do list, and somewhere along the way, forgot to ask myself how I actually felt.
So where does that pattern come from?
Why do we feel like we have to perform instead of just be ourselves?
Let’s talk about it.
Performing Vs. Living
Many of us, especially as high-achieving women, grow up performing — not because we’re fake, but because it’s how we learned to stay safe, loved, and accepted. Maybe you were the “easy one” in a chaotic household, the one who didn’t make waves. Or maybe you were the helper, the fixer, the overachiever — praised for how capable and composed you were. Some of us learned early on that expressing emotions made others uncomfortable, so we tucked them away and became who others needed us to be.
That’s how the performance begins. Not on a stage, but in our living rooms, classrooms, and family dynamics. We learn which parts of us are “acceptable” and which ones are too much. And so, little by little, we shape ourselves into a version that feels safer, even if it’s not fully true.
And it works. We get praised for being strong, dependable, responsible. We become successful. We get the gold stars, the promotions, the gratitude. But at some point, many of us start to feel a quiet ache. It's a sense that we’re living our lives on autopilot. That we’re smiling, nodding, and doing all the right things… but something’s missing.
The missing piece is you.
I know this pattern intimately. When my dad passed, I didn’t give myself time to grieve. I didn’t stop. I didn’t feel. I just pulled on the “strong one” mask and kept going. I knew how to do that — to push through, to manage, to hold space for everyone else’s feelings while mine stayed locked inside. It was automatic.
And honestly? At the time, it felt safer that way. Feeling the depth of my grief would have required me to take off the mask, and I wasn’t ready yet.
That’s the thing about performance — it protects us… until it starts to suffocate us. We don’t mean to disconnect. We just don’t know another way.
When performance becomes our default, we stop asking: What do I need? What do I feel? What brings me joy? And instead, we start asking: How should I act in this room? What do they need, or expect, from me? How can I avoid disappointing anyone?
It’s exhausting, and it’s not your fault. These roles we’ve been playing were brilliant nervous system adaptations to keep us safe. But now, you have the opportunity to check in and ask yourself: Is this who I truly am, or who I thought I had to be?
That question is where the healing begins.
And it doesn’t require a dramatic transformation.
Just one honest moment. One softened breath. One truth-telling check-in at a time.
How We Shift: The Power of the Check-In
So how do we begin to move from performing to truly living?
We check in, with ourselves.
Not with what others expect. Not with how things appear. But with the quiet truth within. And the beautiful thing is, you don’t need a special place or a perfect moment to do this. These check-ins can happen anywhere, anytime.
In the car before walking into work. At your desk. In the middle of a conversation. Even in the silence of a bathroom break during a family gathering. These little pauses are sacred.
Because here’s the truth: no one knows what’s going on inside of you better than you.
And if you’re not even sure who that “you” is anymore… welcome. You’re in the right place.
This is exactly why I do this work — to help women come back to themselves, not with judgment or pressure, but with peace, grace, and love.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need a moment of presence.
That’s how we begin.
Try This: Your Self Check-In
Remember this can be done in the moment, or in meditation.
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Think back to a recent moment when you didn’t feel like your most authentic self — maybe you were performing, avoiding, or shutting down.
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Name what you were feeling underneath. Not what you said, but what was really there. (Was it fear? Grief? Shame? Overwhelm?)
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Ask yourself: “When did I first feel this way?”
Can you trace it back to a younger version of you? -
Then ask that part: “What do you need from me right now to feel safe?”
You might hear “rest,” “a break,” “to say no,” or simply “to be seen.” -
Place your hand on your heart and remind her: “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
Why This Matters
Every time you pause to check in, even for just a few seconds, you’re disrupting the old patterns that kept you in performance mode.
You’re showing your nervous system that it’s safe to slow down.
You’re honoring the version of you who had to stay on guard.
And you’re gently reminding her: we don’t have to do that anymore.
These moments may seem small, but they create a ripple.
The more you check in, the more you’ll recognize when something feels off and when you’re out of alignment or living from an old role instead of your truth.
And that’s when real change begins.
The beauty of this practice is that it’s yours.
You don’t have to announce it. You don’t have to explain it.
You can keep it sacred, just between you and the version of you who’s finally learning how to feel safe in her own skin.
And once you realize how powerful that shift is…
you just might want to tell everyone.
My Love Note to You
You don’t need to perform your way through life anymore.
You don’t have to earn your worth, prove your strength, or wear the “I’m fine” mask another day.
You get to live your life, not just survive it.
And if you’re ready to do that in community, with support, tools, and heart-led guidance, I’d love to invite you to join the priority list for my upcoming course:
Beyond Numbing: From Survival to Self-Love Reset.
This course is for the woman who’s ready to shed the roles, rewrite the story, and finally feel safe being fully herself.
✨ Join The Priority List HERE.
I’m walking this path with you.
And you are so worthy of the life that’s waiting on the other side of the mask.
With so much love,
Amie
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